my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
