My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
