so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
