if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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