I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
