It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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