I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
