it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
