I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
