I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
honey bunches of taint.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
