are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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