i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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