i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
