Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
