i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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