So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
