you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
