he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
