Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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