Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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