Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
