God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
