My hand turned me down
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
