My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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