i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
