so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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