there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
