I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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