I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
