hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
