I heard we made out
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
