my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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