Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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