She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
