So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
