its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
