The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
