Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
