You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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