when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
