The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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