Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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