Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
