He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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