Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
