and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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