My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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