Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
