Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
