Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
