I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
