the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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