Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
