He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
