ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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