can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
