I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
