Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
