He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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