You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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