You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
