I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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