so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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