So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
