What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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