The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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