I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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