Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
