I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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