you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Congratulations! We have a period
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
