Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
