I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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