So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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