she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
