I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
