I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
