Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
