We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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