I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
