Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
