Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
