I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
