The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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