I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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