Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
