I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my shit smells like andre
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
