yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
