my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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