My hand turned me down
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
