I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
