I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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